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About Balzers

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I’m late for my meeting at the Gemeindehaus on Hauptstrasse. Like, classic me. I’m sprinting down the street, dodging tourists and their cameras. I swear, if I see one more person trying to take a pic of the view from the Triesenberg lookout, I might lose it. It’s beautiful, sure, but c’mon!

The Love and Joy of That Beechcraft